Friday, August 13, 2010

what is love..

the image of me in my future has always been the same in my mind, i love looking at me with greg and a family in our future. but in a matter of days that image became skewed. i became confused and lost and all in all i didnt know what to do. there is a guy friend of mine that i have been friends with since my freshman year, i found out about a month ago that he likes me and has liked me since my sophomore year. i was shocked but just kind of put it off, i was hanging out at his house on wednesday night and he kissed me,and i was kinda.. confused.. i told greg yesterday and things were a little rough at first but okayd out. thn i began not knowing who or what i wanted.. i didnt want to do to him what he did to me and i just got so caught up i lost it in front of him and spilled everythign that was going on in my head and it honestly really helped. he said that no matter what he just wants me happy, becasue whenever im happy he is really happy and i thought through everythign and have come to the conclusion that im going to forget the confusion from that kiss and stay where i am. he makes me happy and i love him. i dont want to try something just to end up back where we were three months ago.. i love you gregory!!

F&A
Ashley

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Perfection

Ask any person to describe to you the definition of perfection and each answer will vary. Perfection isn't a solid thing, you cant pinpoint the exacts of its very being. It is merely every individual persons idea of what is best and without flaws. The world has its general idea of perfection given in the form of models and magazines and other media, but that is only what the media has put into peoples heads of what is beautiful what is flawless and what everyone should look like. But is that really fair. people vary. everyone is different. we were made in gods eyes and to god every person is perfect.

Perfection can come in many different forms. physical. personality. attitude. life style. everything. there is only one person who was ever and will ever be truly perfect, Jesus. judging yourself against others is a sin. when it comes to judgment day god will not be comparing us to our friends, our neighbors, our family. he will merely look at how we lived our lives and if we followed faith. god does not expect us to be perfect so why is our world so obsessed with the idea of perfection and reaching it. you shouldn't want to be perfect. we will never be like Jesus, we are not worthy of it and to try and reach perfection as he was is wrong. we should accept that we cant be perfect and live our lives in His word.

perfection and envy is a huge problem with me. i want to be like that media perfect i want to be that girl on the cover of vogue and be gorgeous. I've always denied complements and flattery. i have gone through life believing i am ugly and will never be anything more. i have never had a supportive family life in self confidence, and that is hurting who i am today. but i have made a decision to change that. this is my promise to myself.

I promise, to always be true to who i am on the inside, to embrace the beauty God has given me, inside and out. I promise to accept when someone calls me beautiful or any other word in its liking. I promise to stay confident no matter who tries to pull me down. I promise to be faithful to my Father, my family, my friends, and any other relationships i encounter. I promise to be happy and remember that jealousy, envy, or any other sins are not worth the pain. I promise to look at life in the big picture and not fret about the small things. And I promise to not worry about tomorrow and let tomorrow worry about itself.

I know that i have friends that love me. I know that there are people who will always be in my life and care about who i am. i don't want to let them down, and i don't want to let myself down. so i make this promise now. =]

and i am happy to say that i am currently the happiest i have ever been in a long time.

Forever and always
Ash