scared

im 19. i have a boyfreind. i have a job. but all in all, i am TERRIFIED. i dont know what i want out of life besides a husband and kids, but what else, i havent a clue. i dont know what i want to be and ive had recent events scare me so bad, i dont know what to do. close friend issues and other guys.. im just so lost, i feel like breaking down and crying. works been having problems and ive just been hanging on by a thread, before long im gonna fall flat... what do i do... help?

THAT aha moment...

Yeah. You remember when, that time when the big 'Aha' moment just kinda hit you. for everyone its different. occasionally it takes a lot, and sometimes just a little. Or, maybe it takes repetition. For me, that moment came tonight. Today was an amazing day. After being sick for almost a week, I finally felt okay to go do something. I got up and went to church, and I went out to lunch after. The youth group got together and went to a lake and went swimming then we had a bonfire after. And that's when it happened at that bonfire. May not seem like much, I mean, who doesn't go to a bonfire at least once a year. But this, it was different. We hung out a little and ate hot dogs and s'mores. then we had a little devotional time. For those of you who have kept up even a little with my life, you know that I haven't really felt like my parents have cared about me for a long time. My preacher mentioned this last week, i went home and prayed then. Well, he told us all to think of something that we were thankful for to say out loud. When it got to me, i just kinda, spoke what came to mind. I told them that it would probably sound ridiculous, but that i am thankful for getting sick, because I finally feel like my parents care again. They stepped up. after that i had a talk with my preacher and another of the adults and it was really touching to be able to have someone to talk to. I then went and played with the other youth group in the pasture for a while, we came back to rest and started some campfire songs. It was while singing these songs, holding my amazing boyfriends hand, that it hit me. I have exactly what i want, exactly what i need. i have people that care, people that i can talk to. I have a boyfriend that is absolutely amazing, i couldn't ask for anything more, and tonight, my love for him burned deep. But, most importantly i realized that i have a God, an Amazing God, and the fact that he will ALWAYS be there for me, no matter what. my heart was so overwhelmed i lost it. i started crying. i am so happy right now, that i don't want to lose it. Right now, life is good. I'm healthy and happy, I have people that love and care about me. And i have God. I am complete. I love everyone. Thank you!

forever and always,
Ashley Yvonne (=