alone

ive always gone through school not being the popular one but being happy with the amount of friends i had and the family life i had. i always seemed to have friends to hang out with, a family i could go to or family activities. i was happy with the people who surrounded me. ive had alot of 'friends'. not alot of super close ones though. and ive been happy with jumping from group to group. but you lose that after highschool. and i have. ive lost my loose net of friends. i still have friends but none that im super close to and want to spend a whole lot of time with. and im trying to get away from drama but it seems to follow and im losing friends to that too. and now my best friend is moving like 2 or 3 hrs away so ill be losing her.

then my 'lil sister' randomly stopped talking to me... and i dont know why and its killing me. i havent talked to her in like a month. i already dont get to see her. and now she wont even talk to me any.. it hurts. i miss her so much and yet she wont even say hi..

ive lost my mom, or the mom i used to have. my dad is more and more distant everyday, my brothers continue to be mean to me. i need to get a job i need to go to college. and im lost. i am down to one person to help me and i dont knw how much help he will be because he is in the same boat that i am. and im soo afraid somethign will happen between the two of us that im afraid to push anythign with him and hes already going to be leaving in a yr or 2 to go over 1000 miles away and he doesnt even want to take me with him, leaving me literally alone. i will be alone.
lost
confused
alone

is that where im supposed to be....