sigh. thats all i have to do is sigh. the tress i have had the past like month, its killing me. i can now officially say i am done with classes as a highschool student. that, believe me is a huge sigh of relief. but im afraid the worst still may be yet to come.. im scared. as i posted earlier today, i have picked up on habits that i need to quit. they have been picked up not long ago but i can seem to really stop. i know that people dont like it, but i dont think i am doing it to hurt myself, im doing it when i get upset or scared or stressed or even bored.. which i know isnt good at all.
the flipping the bands happened shortly after i started getting them.. i now have about 60 i wear everyday, which isnt good... it makes it worse... i still cant stop it. i do it all of the time. i dont know that a whole lot of people know that.. i know 0ne who sees me do it every now and then, but he doesnt know all of the time, and sadly as im writing this i have a feeling he will find out...
the scratching i started about a week or two ago. i just seriously had an itch on my arm and just didnt stop, the first time i started i was with greg and i kinda just went blank. he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. but ever since then it just kinda happens.
i thought i got out of the whole self harm thing, but im afraid im going to lead myself right back into it.... and there are seriously only two people that know about all fo this stuff... and i am pretty sure thye both are going to read this... im scared..
im scared of what they will do. and they know who they are. im sorry. im trying to stop. i do it subconsiously. sigh... enough of that stuff... onto another note...
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love...
yeah, its tough. i got that now.. yeah, i fell in love for the first time about 10 months ago.. we lasted 9 of those months. he broke up with me... dont ask details i dont know how to explain them... we are still best friends. im closer to him than i have ever been/ will ever be with anyone... i finally got him to talk and tell me about what will happen as he knows it.
he said there is alot of stuff about me that he loves. and that he doesnt want me to change in that way at all. but alot of the problems of us possibly getting back together are the problems i have. the times i get upset over the smallest things and the extremes of me being emotional. im trying soo hard to be happy. i want to be happy and fun to be around. becasue, frankly, i really want him back. ive learned alot from our breakup and i have learned alot about myself and my life. but i still love him. i am truly and honestly in love with him.....
'can we pretend the airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars, i can really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now....'
LOST, Ashley
help??
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