suicide

this is a tough subject to talk about. when i went through middle school and beginning of high school i thought about it, alot. and i know that i have atleast one friend who is now.. and it hurts, it hurts alot. and i know she reads this and i know she knows who i am talking about

suicide is nothing but a permanent solution to a temporary problem. things like this come and go. things like this will happen but in the long run your life will be what you want it to be if you go after it. you need to be persistant and aggressive. show the world that you are here and you mean business kick those douche bags in the ass and say look here, i am in charge. girl, you are beautiful you are wonderful and you are young. YOUNG! your too young to try to ruin what you have. yeah when life gets rough... oh well, my mom went to a mental instituion when i was about 12, for trying to commit suicide. i know the realisticness of what can happen. i still remeber walking in the house and seeing my mom lying on the floor foaming at the mouth and surrounded by vomit. she passed out, i remeber those images vividly, vidid as a 12 year old i stood there shocked, i blamed myself for what happend i thought that i must have done somethign wrong. the woman who raised me, the woman who now when i look back, i see that she hurt me more than i could ever hurt her.

suicide is REAL. and you are soo young its not even funny to joke about. not at all.you are 14 and i would be killed if i found out you tried to commit suicide. killed. i dont think i could ever go on.

please hunny look at what you have. look at what you are what you can be. you are one of the most amazing people i know. i love you.

my eyes wander
i see the knife
resting
slightly tilted on the counter
my body tightens
i see the rope
coiled
tightly bound at the foot of the stairs
tears sting
i hear the water
filling
spilling over the sides of the tub
i fall to my knees
i smell the powder
the gun
its cocked and waiting
i scream in pain
i cry
my heart aches at
the want
the need
the love
i crave
i crave you
i crave freedom
form myself
from my pain
from you
freedom.
i stand
i turn
i walk
to the door and i leave
leave it all
but this life
i dont leave
this life is mine
and No one
No one
will ever take that from me


sissy. i love you. god loves you. and im always here for you. and if you are ever ready, im ready to kick some fucking ass.

Pissed and worried,
Shlee